Self Care

As I have been struggling with my desire and ability to take care of myself, to take charge, to choose my life, to put down boundaries, to establish healthy patterns….I have become very aware that so many of us are walking around allowing life to just happen to us. Allowing others to decide for us and or work out their desires on us. Why are we so afraid to claim our lives, to take responsibility for ourselves and our choices? Why do we feel the need to continually punish ourselves for poor choices we have made or to let fear of failure and rejection rule us? We are very powerful beings, yet we continue to walk around in fear and let it rule us. Part of the Answer is found in calling upon the Savior of this world….if we will come unto the Lord and place our burdens at His feet, our fears, our self loathing, our worry He will take it upon him….He already has, and He will heal us and set us free from fear so that we can stand in the power of action.

When Christ was in the Garden of Gethsemane, out of Love, He took upon himself the pain and suffering of the world, He allowed himself to be put in a place to feel and to learn and to understand all of our pain so that He could walk with us through ours and save us from the torment that comes when we give up our freedom to act and allow ourselves to be acted upon. He then willingly gave Himself as a sacrifice on our behalf to satisfy the demands of justice, and to be the voice of mercy on our behalf, so that our choices could become a way of learning. He knew that there was no way that we could bear the full burden and consequences of our own sins and choices. That we would need a way to be set free from our own faulty thinking, from our own dysfunctional pattern of behaving, that we would need a way to return back to love and truth and be free to choose to act in our lives.

My call to myself and to others is to STAND UP! Claim your life and the power that is yours to choose life. Don’t allow yourself to be controlled by others judgements and desires, don’t allow yourself to become a prisoner to the lie that you cannot change, don’t allow yourself to play out your role that someone else has placed on you, don’t allow yourself to be controlled by fear, choose to take control of your life! Choose to take responsibility for where you are and where you are going….one step at a time. Choose to allow the mighty saving grace of the Savior of this world, to love you thru this, to help you change what you need to change so that you can be free from fear, from shame, from hopelessness, from envy, from anger, from hate….so you can be free to truly choose your life.  Choose to be free, choose to act for yourself, stand in your right and power to do this….CHOOSE your Life.

Reaching Out

Some of us, when we go thru challenging experiences, pull inward and shut everyone out, and some of us reach out and let others in to help.  I am one who tends to pull in and shut others out because I feel such shame for feelings of anger, hurt, hopelessness. I feel shame if I am not handling the challenge with positiveness and forgiveness and if I am not able to function normally from day to day. I feel guilty if I feel the need to heavily rely on others and for the inability to hold it together at times. but I realize I also feel so unloveable and unworthy of love, feelings that are rooted from my experiences as a child, especially those of sexual abuse and actions that extended from those. It is thru the recent experience of going through a difficult seperation in my marriage  that I realize the healing is in not bearing the burden alone, the healing is in asking others to bear it with you, to help you carry the load, to allow their love to sustain you. I have come to realize that love in all it’s many forms and actions is where the power to move forward comes, because in love, their is healing and when we begin to heal we become more powerful in being able to love others unconditionally.

As I was crying out to God the other night and asking him to help me through the pain and release the fear and pain from every part of my body, I realize so much of the pain came from me believing that I was not loveable, not worthy of love. I realize it is the reason why I was shutting people out and why I was beginning to feel so hopeless and lost. I realized I have been punishing myself  for parts of the painful process of this seperation, I have not been allowing God’s love to heal me, nor allowing his love thru others to sustain and uphold me. When I woke up this morning, I felt a deep longing to be around friends and loved ones to be a part of something.

It is thru the giving and receiving of love that we heal.  It is pure love that empowers us to overcome our fears. And it is the fear of not being loved, of being rejected that we hide.  I realize part of my learning right now, part of my uphill climb is to allow love back into my life, to open myself up for love, to release and give to God the old untrue beliefs that I am not loveable, to push against that, to challenge that very thought and to accept the fact that not only am I loveable in my worst of times but that I am WORTHY of LOVE. So today, I am going to reach out and make that phone call to my friend and my sister, I’m going to focus on  loving and enjoying my children, and allowing myself to love and be loved in return.  And thank God for another day to learn and love and overcome.