Have you ever been so afraid of something that you have fought tooth and toenail to not have to do anything to deal with it or step a foot in the direction of resolving it? I believe we all have something like that and I have come to realize that my fear is committing to relationships. Committing to caring, loving, being open and letting others care for me, I have been afraid of jumping in with both feet and giving something everything I’ve got. I have not always been this way, I did this with dance as a youth and in other relationships when I was young, but not that way now. I think its because I have been hurt, like we all have in close relationships, maybe its because I am afraid of failing, or getting in way above my head. Maybe it’s because I am afraid of losing myself and giving away my personal power, like I did in my marriage for 10 years. So the thing I’m talking about is real for me right now, I have a choice of whether to jump in after 9 months of separation and try this marriage thing again to a changed man or go run the other direction and see what else is out there for me. To some, it would seem so simple, cut and dry….I am not some people, I am me and those who know me know that most things are not simple and clear cut in my life. The question that it has really come down to for me to day is this…”Do you really believe in the Lord’s power to heal and change hearts? Do you really believe in the power of the Atonement?…you say you do and here is an opportunity to really show your children and those around you that you do, yet you are struggling, why is that?”
Why am i struggling? I think the question is…Do I really believe? This is what I have come to: I believe that we have challenges in our lives to test and solidify our belief in God and his power and his words…..and I believe this is a test for me. A test to really prove and strengthen my resolve of what I truly believe. I believe in the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, I believe that when we really come to Him humbled and ready to give him our hearts and really ready to change, we are blessed with the strength to do so, through the Atonement. I do believe the more we come to Jesus, the stronger and purer we become. I do believe we all have the capacity to become new in Jesus Christ. I have in many different ways, so why couldn’t my husband….and who am I to judge him or to cause a stumbling block for him in his humble journey and progression towards his godly self. Doesn’t the Lord simply require a broken heart and a contrite spirit, a willingness to take upon us His name and keep coming to him so we can be changed through his love from the inside out? I prayed for 9 months for this to happen for my husband….doesn’t God live and doesn’t he hear and answer prayers? Yes, yes He does, He did and I am a witness to that.
I feel that we need to be very careful with each other, we need to allow our loved ones to change and believe that when they make the effort to do so and invite their Savior to help them, they can do it. We need to speak life in Jesus to each other. We need to not only lift each other up, but we need to cheer each other on and not create stumbling blocks by holding others to their old ways. Anyone and everyone can change when they come to Jesus and let the blood of His Atonement wash them clean. When they let the all encompassing Love of the Savior touch them to the very core. When they are willing to give up all their sins to know the one and only true Son of God. How can one not be changed when touched to the very core with the all powerful and encompassing love of the Savior of the World? It can happen and does and I have been a witness of this in my own life and now as well as my husband’s……miracles happen to those who believe and I believe in miracles.