Today is my Birthday

Today is my birthday and so I feel inspired to write what is truly on my heart. I feel the freedom to express whatever I would like as a gift to myself. An inner reflection on paper….those who know me well, know this is my favorite past time. Although I have been silent for some time, my heart is always yearning to write, to express the deep love I have for life, for the many people in my life and most of all for the that one true friend, who is always there for me and has brought me through all things….Jesus.

I’m so grateful to say that my life has not been easy, I have been given many gifts, wrapped in the label of “challenges”. For my challenges, I am grateful, as they have been my opportunities to grow and to know the power of Christ’s love in my life. I love to grow and I see the gift in growing and so I am grateful for my challenges. I am grateful to know that I have a personal friend and Savior, who loves me beyond comprehension and who takes the time to express that love clearly, especially in the moments of my deepest self loathing. Only He knows what to say to me when I find myself lost in the darkness of shame, guilt, grief and disappointment. It is because of His constant care that I am filled with love and have been able to come through so much trauma in my life. I have received complete healing because of Him.

I am grateful for my children, the children, who’s little spirits I saw when going through one of my most darkest times as a teen. My children who whispered to me that they were mine, that I was on the right path and to keep going. And now, who grace my home with their presence and continually challenge me to stay on board with love and patience and kindness.

I am grateful for a husband, who is always challenging me to stay in a space of love and calm. Who goes above and beyond to show loyalty and love in the most adverse circumstances. Who’s presence continually challenges me to love and not judge, accept and not criticize. Thank you.

My life is a gift and I know this because there are so many times that I wanted to take it and have been saved by angels of heaven and earth. So I am grateful for my life, I have been given the opportunity to be able to help people heal in ways that I couldn’t even imagine. To partner with heaven to understand the hearts and souls of many and to assist them in uncovering truth in their own lives and healing from the past. I am grateful that I get to continue this work on an even bigger scale and to see my life dream of creating a healing center coming to fruition.

I am grateful for opposition, for the Advesary, who does His job which allows God’s mighty power to be shown in even greater capacity.

I am grateful to be a woman and have the versatility of being soft and kind, yet strong and powerful. I love my body and this has not always been the case, given I was sexually abused and raped at young ages and rejected my body and self for so many years. I love who I am, I am grateful for the beautiful body God gave me to be able to feel and experience this life to the fullest. To be able to touch and nurture others with love and healing and receive that in return. I love that I am in tune with my body now and that I can hear it when it speaks to me and that I want to hear what it has to say and have a desire to take care of it as the precious gift it is.

I am grateful for my restored health. For a simple solution that God brought into my life that changed my course very quickly and has allowed me to help others in ways that I could not imagine.

I am blessed to know so many amazing people who have blessed my life in countless ways. It is the people in my life that make it so beautiful. I love getting to meet new people, getting to connect on different levels. It is in the connecting with others, even to the soul, that brings me the greatest joy and fulfillment. Thank you to many for allowing me to be a part of your lives, for opening up your soul to me and for allowing me to be an instrument in ministering to you in the ways that you need.

I am grateful for Angels. Thank you my Angels for being by my side always, lifting and guiding, inspiring and speaking.

I am thankful for this day, for the opportunity to reflect on my life, to reconnect with friends and loved ones and to have another year to love, learn and serve. To those who are reading this, thank you for being a witness to those blessings.

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Focus

I’ve heard the phrase many times “what you focus on, you create”.  I had an interesting experience yesterday with my children….they were just plain awful in their behavior. After they had gone to bed, I sat in my bed and cried because I had spent the night yelling and threatening. They went to bed hurt and I went to bed angry. Now, most parents will say, been there, done that….it’s part of parenthood. I agree, but what is disturbing to me is the thoughts that had been playing on my mind that day that I was not consciously aware of, and that I see now, had a huge impact on my behavior as well as my children’s.
I realize I had been focusing on the lack of money, the inability to pay certain bills at the moment, my desire to pay for lessons for my children, but struggling to decide which ones, then feeling guilty for not being able to do more. Then, my thoughts moved into…”you are such a bad mom, your children are so neglected, they’re not going to grow up to amount to much because you haven’t given them all these opportunities….” What!? If what we focus on becomes our reality and every thought has energy that can be felt and passed on….then no wonder last night was so awful.  I was just creating the reality ” I am a bad mom” and “my children are neglected” and my children were just literally tuning in to that negative energy and reacting.

I know to some that this may seem completely off and cuckoo….but for me it makes sense.  The days that I am calm and positive in my mind and heart, my children are also.  We are powerful beings and everything we think and say has energy and effects us and those around us.  So my encouragement is….stay focused on the positive, speak with the power of love and conviction and stay consciously aware of what is playing on the stage of your mind!  When you begin to recognize that you are letting your mind run rampant with negative thoughts,  say STOP.  Begin to say what you are grateful for and let yourself FEEL gratitude for those things.  Gratitude is powerful positive energy and can change things quickly.  Thinking and saying positive affirmations is another way to keep your mind focused on the positive.  I’ve noticed the more I focus on what’s going well, what I am grateful for and take the time to talk positive to myself, the more at peace I am and the more able I am to create calm in my mind and my life, and that feels GREAT!

What do you do to keep your mind focused on the positive?